Angry Little Troll | Learning to Deal With Anger
Written by Eryn Swann
Photograph by A.R. Clark, modeled by Hayleigh + Justina
Remember those naked toy dolls with the old looking faces, sunken eyes and tall crazy hair that came in neon pink, blue, green and purple. Yeah troll dolls, in fact.
Well, it just so happens I am a troll doll. Figuratively speaking, that is. In my family, a troll doll is someone who just basically explodes with anger. A volcano with its top blown off, if you will. The wild colourful hair is like fiery lava shooting out the top and the body is the base of the volcano.
It’s hard being an angry person honestly. It’s one of those traits, that if you know you’re an angry person or at least have a short temper, you tend to dislike the most about yourself. It’s so hard to control it once it’s been unleashed and it’s something that I have never conquered but wish I could.
I try to look at it from two different perspectives:
1. Being Angry Means You’re Passionate
When you care about something or want something you’ve worked really hard on to be a certain way, or even if you have to work on a group project and do all the work because you feel like you have the best vision, passion becomes a driving force. This can be beneficial in order to execute the perfect vision however, very quickly that passion can spark anger. That anger can lead to conflict and bitterness amongst people and can be detrimental to the group. Can you tell I’ve experienced this more times than I would’ve liked? Unfortunately tolerance towards difficult people needs to be developed in order to combat the anger that arises during confrontational situations – it’s definitely an essential skill but is difficult to learn. To develop a tolerance in these tough times its best to keep an open-mind towards the ideas and work ethic of others and simply, to try to not care as much – this is definitely one of the hardest skills to develop as a passionate person.
2. The Problem Is You (Unfortunately)
I like to think I’m fairly emotionally mature however when it comes to anger, I revert back to a 5 year old throwing a tantrum. I wish I knew why but that in itself is frustrating. It’s hard being a person that gets defensive instead of passive during any argument. Every little disagreement becomes a battle that must be won but at the cost of dignity, humility and potentially kindness. It’s hard to say if there are any solutions to this but if there’s something I’ve learnt that tends to work is to put everything into perspective. When you get so angry about such a small inconvenience you really need to evaluate your minor disappointment to larger scale disappointment. What is in your control and what is out of your control. Anger can always be controlled when arising from a petty inconvenience and the best way to combat this; learning to deal with disappointment. Once you have learned to deal with disappointment (something that I have yet to fully master) you will be on your way to showing less hostility. It’s best to try to keep a level head and if you feel this is too hard, take a quick break (deep breaths, counting to 10, etc. – whatever works for you) and you will feel better, in the long run, because of it.
Coming from a person that struggles with anger, even trying to control it is something to feel proud of. I have never been the person to outwardly seek self-improvement but the more situations where I’ve been forced to interact, engage and work with different sorts of people I’ve realised how essential soft skills like these are in any environment – whether that be school, university, or a workplace. We are all on some road to self-improvement and that takes initiative and patience.